


Exit game

by Nisushi



Series: Runaway stories [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, On the Run, Post-Canon, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 21:51:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13132950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nisushi/pseuds/Nisushi
Summary: Kaneki thinks he's dead. Hide takes him on the run.





	Exit game

**Author's Note:**

> For my Santa secret giftee :) 
> 
> Happy Holidays!

If someone were to ask Kaneki to list the things that he wanted the least to happen, he would have made one and underlined this specific situation. From all the punishments that he had taken for the past week, scratch that, for his whole life, this one topped all of them.

Kaneki had woken up from what he only could remember as a state of paralysation, but at the same time he was sitting on the first row of experiencing the damage being done on Tokyo. After his awakening, he wasn’t given a lot of time to get a glimpse of the people applauding for him, to see Hinami, or Tsukiyama, or Banjou, or… or even Touka for the last time before being taken away with force by the CCG, getting locked up and being instructed to wait for his trial.

A week later, Kaneki was sentenced to death.

It wasn’t like he had expected to be treated any different after becoming a mass murderer. No alleviations for him for being called a hero. Those who still called him a hero had to wait for some more years before their opinion would be worth anything. It didn’t matter anyway, because at the end of the day, Kaneki still had hundreds of innocent deaths to his name. All he deserved was to die and rot away.

Yet, Kaneki did not wish to die, despite of having begged for the sweet salvation in the past. But to be able to slump down on a couch, get lost in one of his novels with a steaming mug of coffee and forget about time. To only get back to earth when his eyes started to hurt without the sunlight helping him recognising the words. To go to bed and think about his plans for the upcoming day, maybe having a drink with Hinami or something silly like that. To be able to do that all for one, last time, that would make Kaneki stop wishing for death. That was all he ever fought for. A quiet day.

He hated it that he had messed that up for himself so badly. Kaneki hated himself for it.

Only, apparently death wasn’t the worst that he could get. If the CCG had let him choose between being chained down a chair and torturing him until his body would give up on him or this, Kaneki would have chosen the first one.

It started with the door of his private room opening for the time since he had learned about his fate.

‘’It’s visiting hour. And this time you actually got visitors.’’

Kaneki sat up from where he was lying on the bed, his heart stopping when he recognised the faces of the people standing in the doorway. The little Saiko and Urie were blocking part of the light that slipped through the doorway.

This was the worst. Being seen as the ugly truth that he was and had tried so hard to hide, that was. Kaneki wanted to run away, crawl into the deepest hole and never have to look at anyone’s face again.

‘’Maman…’’

Yet, as much as he tried, he just couldn’t ignore her crying for recognition. Kaneki looked up, straight into the eyes of the shaking girl who was doing her best to stand tall. He was so proud of her. Of them, for still coming here, even if it was to beat him to pulp.

‘’You’re gonna leave us for real now?’’

The old Sasaki was twitching to take his kids in his arms and comfort them. Kaneki wasn’t sure if he was still the right person to do so. But he still did.

His offered embrace was taken, Saiko folding her short arms around Kaneki, breaking the act of braveness. It took a little effort to put a hand on her head and stroke her hair softly. ‘’Yes, I am.’’ A high pitched sob came out.

‘’I don’t wanna lose my maman.’’

It hurt. That was why living was a curse. That was why this was the worst. Even if he was on the edge of the end, he was still living and breathing now. Still hurting over little girls and other people that he didn’t want to say goodbye to. He was shaking with her when he felt Urie’s presence coming closer.

‘’I know.’’

 

The rest of the visit was short-lived, and Kaneki was alone all over again, or so he thought.

‘’Are the troops safe?’’

‘’Yes. We are working on finding residence for everyone to reduce the chance of riots breaking out in public.’’

‘’No one is set for trial?’’

‘’No, that was one of the conditions your people asked for before agreeing on working together with the CCG.’’

‘’That’s… good.’’

‘’Sure it is.’’

Kaneki’s second round of visitors brought less of a heart attack, yet had the same shock level. He didn’t understand how Amon Koutarou could have gotten permission to visit (it were probably the same people who had kept the ’We will not slaughter all the ghouls after this’ promise alive), and Mado Akira, well, they didn’t part with the best words, did they?

It felt almost comical to Kaneki. The whole visit was about practical stuff: News from the outside world, how Tokyo was working on getting back to the normal life, how the people he had promised to protect had ended up, and more non-romantic stuff. To be working when he was living his last moments, it made Kaneki laugh. How to take life by its throat at the last moment and show it that you had not given up yet.  

Amon lead most of the conversation, Akira only let her voice out once. Somewhere at the end, when the two were ready to leave, she looked Kaneki into the eye as she would do with Sasaki. Everyone who had visited yet had come to see Sasaki, not Kaneki. How disappointed must they have been.

‘’Are you going to be okay?’’

She was letting go of her own student. Akira was telling him to walk on his own from now on.

Kaneki huffed out a small sound that could have been a laugh.

‘’Surely I will.’’

 

There was nothing else then counting down the days until he would be met with his death day. How could he be counting down? He hadn’t seen daylight ever since being locked up, so there was no way the Kaneki could keep track on the days passing. Maybe he was counting minutes, but then how would he remember how many times he had reached sixty to start all over again? It was at least better then thinking about all the people that couldn’t come here and all the goodbyes he still had to say. Soon, it would be

It was the night before his death penalty, that Kaneki was woken up from his daze by immense vibrations that shook his whole room. An earthquake would have been the most logical assumption, but it was not the case.

Kaneki was scared. The whole world was falling apart, and he would be buried under all of it before he was even dead. He wanted to scream for help, but stopped himself when he thought about how everyone had probably already left the building if this was an earthquake. Also, who would save someone who had a dead flag on his name?

It took Kaneki some seconds to realise it was awfully quiet again. Relief relaxed his muscles. He wasn’t dead yet. It was over, yet Kaneki couldn’t help but crawl to the nearest corner and make himself as small as possible.

He cried when the second shock came with a horrible boom. That made Kaneki think for a moment. Did earthquakes sound like… explosions? Could a epicentre change that quickly, because he was so sure that this one felt so much closer than the last one.

Then he heard the sound of doors being kicked open. Kaneki turned towards his door and light seeped into his room together with a lot of dust. Kaneki almost smiled because he thought he was saved, because the idea that people would still want to save him from whatever was happening made him feel utter happiness.

‘’Kaneki.’’

A voice that sounded like it had been recorded with a device that had had its best time was constantly calling his name. Kaneki wanted to say something back, but he was interrupted by another explosion, this time more far away.

‘’Kaneki, where are you?’’

Clouds piled up in the room, and it felt suffocating. It was enough for Kaneki to push himself up and follow the sound of the voice. He had nothing to lose.

His orientation was a mess. Kaneki didn’t know where he was and the person had stopped calling. He felt a sob pushing up his throat, and he let it. Crying out of pure frustration, he stayed where he was. More ugly noises escaped his mouth. He was all alone again, with the ground shaking and a hellish peep in his ears that gave him a headache. Kaneki was only able to handle so many incentives.

Two arms hooked under Kaneki’s armpits before he was able to hit the ground. Kaneki let himself lean into the stranger’s support, looking up to try to give the person a face. He startled a bit by how close the other was.

The lower half was covered with a scarf, but Kaneki could see the rest of the face all to clearly. Kaneki gave an easy smile. He must be dead by now.

‘’Kaneki, can you hear me?’’

Very slowly, the arms went around his back to lift him up. Another explosion went off.

‘’ _Shit_. We’re behind schedule, Kaneki. We’ve got to go, like, right now.’’

Kaneki was being pulled towards what was probably the doorway. He wasn’t trying to resist. Not when he was being dragged down the dark halls or when they were climbing stairs to get to the outside world. He was dead and he knew for sure, because that was the only place possible where he could ever see Hide again.

 

The terrain was as good as empty, except for two young boys who ran over the hardened roads to the exit. Hiding in the shadows, keeping low when having to go over open areas, it made Kaneki twitch in excitement. To him, this was like a careless act of playing Capture the flag. Adrenaline pumping through his veins for no reason, and the worst thing that could happen was if they got caught and tagged before they could reach their goal.

No one was in their way. Hide took a hold of Kaneki’s hand when the latter began to slow down. They sped up and went through the gates, turned left and made their way out of the facility’s terrain around the walls of the Cochlea. They ran and ran, industrial landscapes changing into meadows and mountains as far as they could see, asphalt giving place to uneven muddy roads. They kept running until Kaneki started to stumble over his own feet.

Hide stopped and turned around to give Kaneki some extra support and not fall down. ‘’Ho there buddy. I think we took too much from you.’’ He let Kaneki go again and shrugged off his backpack, squatting down and zipping the bag open as he put it in front of him.

Kaneki stared down as Hide was searching for something in that bag. The blonde made a sound of victory when he took out some black hoodie, jeans, and shoes. He handed them over to Kaneki with an apologizing look. ‘’I honestly forgot to take socks with me. Sorry man.’’

Taking what was given to him, Kaneki turned around when Hide did it too. He was thankful for the soft temperature that April brought. It was somewhere around midnight, and the sky was clear from clouds, but the air didn’t feel uncomfortably cold on his naked skin while he changed from his clothes he wore in Cochlea to a more casual wear.

‘’Keep the hoodie on your head. You’re like a lighthouse without.’’ Hide stood close as he carefully put the hood over Kaneki’s head, teasingly pulling it over his eyes at the end. He took his bag from the ground and with Kaneki behind him, they continued their walk.

It was mostly silent, neither spoke and the only sound that could be heard was the wind whistling every now and then. Kaneki didn’t feel the need to ask where they were going or if there was even a specific destination. It would break the vibe of not having sweat over anything. Kaneki felt better than he had in years, maybe the best he ever had. Just strolling behind his friend, not worrying about consequences that would come with doing nothing.

After a while, the unending road was disturbed by train rails crossing it. Hide stopped walking. Kaneki did the same. ‘’We can rest a bit ‘till the our train comes, and that’s in about…’’ Kaneki couldn’t see it clearly since Hide wasn’t facing him, but he got the idea that he was checking his watch, ’’twelve minutes.’’ Hide plumped down and sat down in the soil. Kaneki did the same, leaving a small distance between them.

‘’So we’re taking a train.’’ There was no station to be seen, so did that mean they were going to jump one? It wasn’t a first time, but this one got a different context than the previous one. It excited Kaneki.

‘’Yes. It will bring us to the Yokohama harbour.’’ They had been there once, for their school trip somewhere in middle school if Kaneki remembered correctly. The weather was bad and Hide had almost fallen into the water when he thought it was a good idea to walk close to the edge of the boulevard while gusts of wind were being harsh. To think back to a day in his past and not feeling down afterwards felt freeing in a way.

‘’Why Yokohama?’’ If that scarf wasn’t in the way, Kaneki would have seen Hide’s smile for the first time in years. The way his eyes crinkled that Kaneki knew so well gave it away. ‘’Because that’s the place that will take us to the land of opportunity.’’

With widened eyes, Kaneki stared at his friend. ‘’America?’’ The nod made it official, and like so many firsts that this night had brought, Kaneki started to laugh. The idea was so silly, something he would never have considered taking seriously if this were real.

‘’Uh, Kaneki?’’ Hide gave him a confused look, so when Kaneki was able to breath normally again, he took Hide’s uncertainties away. He smiled the biggest he could. ‘’Yes, let’s go.’’

Hide sighed out of relief. He must have thought Kaneki was making fun of his idea. ‘’You know, I thought I would have to put much more effort into convincing you to come along, but you’re acting abnormally calm.’’ Hide stood up again. It must almost be time to go. ‘’Did they drug you or somethin’?’’

‘’Ha, no. It just doesn’t matter anymore.’’ Kaneki gazed at the stars. Absorbing, they were, just like the boy in front of him. Kaneki adored him and these moments he could still spend with him. ‘’Since I’m already dead.’’

Eased smiles turned into frowns. ‘’What… what are you saying Kaneki?’’ Everything changed so fast that Kaneki couldn’t understand. The tension that was so unwelcome, yet so familiar, returned. ‘’I’m dead.’’

Panic came next when Hide looked him straight into the eye. It must be his mind playing games with him. ‘’I died back at Cochlea when there was an earthquake, or something,’’ Kaneki stuttered, ‘’I’m dead and because of that I’m able to see you, Hide.’’

‘’Okay Kaneki, don’t go nuts on me, but this all,’’ Hide spread his arms and gestured around him, ‘’is real, and you have to believe it. I’m still alive, and so are you.’’

‘’No… it can’t be.’’ But the whole idea of being dead seemed so much more illogical now. He had experienced almost-death situations in the past, and those felt like dreams. He wasn’t feeling that at all.

But if he was still alive, then that meant that he had just escaped his death, was a fugitive, and that Hide who was standing before him wasn’t dead. Kaneki wasn’t dead and that meant that he would still have to continue living.

‘’Hide, that’s _not_ true.’’ Kaneki shook his head violently as his voice broke together with himself. ‘’You’re _lying_. You’re dead because I _killed_ you!’’ He couldn’t handle it anymore. Every single time when he thought he was done, all his problems would come back and beat him up all over again.

Hide took his wrists before Kaneki could rip out his hair. He made him look up, and to Kaneki’s most ugly nightmares, Hide had taken off his scarf.

‘’Kaneki, please calm down and listen to me.’’ Hide tried to quiet Kaneki’s erratic breathing, with little success. ‘’You didn’t kill me, or hurt me against my will. I chose this myself and I knew the consequences.’’ He took a hold of Kaneki’s face, smiled as much as his face could manage.

‘’Now the most important thing is to get on that train and get the hell out of here.’’ Kaneki pulled himself out of Hide’s hold. ‘’I’m not going on that train, Hide.’’ Stunned, Hide looked at him as if he just had gone mad.

‘’I don’t- _How fucking stubborn can you be?_ ’’

The sound of an incoming train, somewhere far away. Hide was losing his nerve. Kaneki made no movements. ‘’If I’m still walking around in this poisonous world, then I should go back to my people since I left them, and they need me-‘’

‘’The last thing they need now is you, Kaneki.’’

‘’ _That’s_ _not_ _true!_ ’’ Hide was wrong. All Kaneki had were the ghouls, to defend them and to protect them.

‘’You’ll only be a danger since you’re face is everywhere over Tokyo.’’

‘ _’But where else can I go if they don’t even want me?!_ ’’ Kaneki sobbed. Hide was being so cruel, because he knew that the other was pointing out the truth, but who had given him the right to shove it into his face?

It was probably he himself begging for a hit.

Hide drastically turned around, seeing a freight train appearing. ‘’You can be with me, Ken. _Just get on that fucking train!_ ’’

The plan to escape this world seemed farther away than earlier. ‘’How are you so sure that this all is going to work out Hide?!’’ Kaneki tried to shout over the noise the train made. It made him sound futile.

Hide started running with the train, hopping on and holding himself steady by grabbing the handle of the door. He opened it after fumbling with the lock. Kaneki saw Hide disappear into the boxcar, and he began to run. He didn’t want to left alone.

When he reached the car, Hide held out his hand, yet Kaneki hesitated. There was something holding him back. Unsureness. Hide saw it too.

‘’I don’t know if this will work out. Hell, we could be dead in a week, but why not giving it a try?’’

Hide was not wholly convinced of himself either, and that was the push Kaneki needed to take Hide’s hand.

‘’ _Fuck you Hide_.’’ Kaneki pushed himself away from Hide when he got into the car. He felt played, forced to open up and spill everything. Hide wasn’t fair.

Hide said nothing back, walked to the opposite side from Kaneki, sat down against the wall and watched Kaneki cry out.

After some time, Kaneki got tired from all the mixed feelings making a mess of his head. He let himself fall back against the wall, his legs spread before him. He noticed Hide staring at him, and he looked back, but chose not to jab at the other.

Anger was making his heart burst, together with relief and worry. He hated Hide for having control over him, even when he had disappeared on Kaneki and played dead. It was the same for his relief, as Hide was still alive, which meant he never killed his friend. He had still hurt him, the nasty scarred tissue that Hide had desperately trying to hide under his mask told him that. And still, Hide was willing to get into unknown waters with him. That was a bliss.

Kaneki was only scared to death that, now Hide wasn’t dead, there was a chance to see him get hurt all over again. Was it by himself or someone else, it didn’t matter.

‘’Did Kosaka-san make it out alive?’’ Kaneki didn’t know if Hide was familiar with the name, but it wasn’t like he was asking him directly. Just filling the silence with his thoughts.

‘’She wasn’t where she should have been the last time someone checked. Also, while you were in full attack, apparently Kuroiwa ran for it. At least that’s what I’ve heard.’’ Hide broke their stare-session and looked outside. The moon gave off a white light that shined through the opening of the car.

One good thing Kaneki was able to do. Touka must be happy if she knew about it. Now Kaneki wanted to tell her, but he couldn’t. He didn’t even get to say goodbye to her.

‘’Hey,’’ Hide interrupted him before Kaneki could get too deep into his thoughts, ‘’You might hate me, and I can totally get that, but let’s start all over again and… be friends. Let’s forget for a bit.’’

Kaneki saw that Hide was tired too. He must’ve left behind people too to do this. People he cared about. People Kaneki didn’t know because they’re the ones who comforted Hide when he himself wasn’t there to do it. Stupid to think that he was the only one suffering under this.

‘’Yes, let’s forget.’’

The tension subsided, and Kaneki felt himself relax against the wall, eyelids fluttering close. Hide didn’t let him, though.

‘’I don’t know about you, but it’s getting a little cold now we’re not walking.’’ Kaneki lifted up his head to see Hide gazing at a corner.

 _Let’s forget_ , is what Hide was heavily implying here. He wanted the hatred gone and a new beginning to settle in.

Without much more thought after that, Kaneki crawled up to the other side, where Hide was. He lay himself on Hide’s chest and both of them lower down, using the backpack as a pillow. Their legs tangled and Hide gave a satisfied sigh.

Kaneki didn’t close his eyes just yet. He looked outside and thought about the people who were going further away by the passing second.

‘’Do you think everyone will be alright?’’

‘’They are now somewhere on the line where they have the chance to unite both sides, so I think they’ll do fine.’’

‘’And if they don’t, will I be at fault?’’

Hide laughed. ‘’No one will blame you for setting up a whole revolution. You were the start of it. It’s not a problem to hand the work over and let someone else finish it.’’

An arm folded around his shoulders. ‘’Have some faith, Ken.’’

‘’I really tried Hide,’’ Kaneki sobbed, ‘’I tried so hard to make everyone happy. But did I do enough?’’ Hide’s thumb brushed away his tears, and Kaneki knew he was still listening. ‘’Was I able to make them happy? Will I make them sad by leaving them?’’ Nonetheless, he was leaving his wife and child. Would Touka tell their kid that his or her father was a coward who had made untruthful promises?

‘’That’s a tough one.’’ Hide took a deep breath, fingers gliding through Kaneki’s hair. ‘’I think they will be sad for some time, but if they hear that you were able to beat death again, I’m sure they’ll be proud of it.’’

‘’Really?’’

‘’Really.’’

If someone were to ask Kaneki to list the things that he wanted the least to happen, he would have made one and underlined this specific situation. From all the punishments that he had taken, this one was the worst. The guilt poisoning his body, leaving behind what could have been a family he never had, friends he had made through the years, kids he had let go. Yet, it was also a new beginning, which was also something Kaneki never had.

He still had a lot of questions for Hide, but for now he let it be. No problems would get in their way when they were heading towards Yokohama, and there, both of them would start anew.  

It was terrifying, and Kaneki hated Hide for pulling him with him. It was a new adventure, and how scary the unknown it could be, Kaneki knew that his friend would be beside him. That’s what made him love Hide.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Radiohead's 'Exit music'


End file.
